This is one of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite obscure romantic 80s movie, Cousins. Not super elegant but to the point and has always stuck with me.
For those who knew me as Sacred Suzie, perhaps this blog seems weird to them. It is all about food and not about spirit. Since leaving BC, my spirit seems to have left me. I think she is hanging out with the herons at the lagoon, waiting for me to come back. I could not continue being Sacred Suzie. It would have been a lie.
This means I am in a place all alone without even a connection to Nature to keep me going. I have never been so deeply without spirit. The only sanctuary I have is my kitchen. I have lost interest in everything else. This is all I have.
I have a long, complicated relationship with food. I have spent a lot of time being frightened of it, not understanding it. I did not grow up learning about food in my mother’s kitchen. I am completely self-taught. When I finished university, I did not know how to boil an egg.
Leaving town and moving in with my future husband who accidentally gave me food poisoning several times (I know you did your best Sweetheart!), I had to learn about food for my survival. And because I was gaining tons of weight living on mac & cheese (KD) and perogies.
Once again I am lost and alone, fending for myself in a painful place and situation. I make food because we all have to to survive and because if I am going to have to ingest calories, they better be awesome. Food is the only source of energy right now that speaks to me, it is my last connection to inspiration.
I am doing my best to turn my life into chicken salad.
I am so impressed that when you left university you did not know how to boil an egg! That means that maybe, I could learn to love cooking too.
I really feel for you Suzie. Disconnected from spirit is a painful place. You show so much spirit in how you connect with others and your choice to make chicken salad.
Chicken salad all the way, with toasted almonds and mandarins!
I hope that you find solace and eventually growth and joy from your refuge.
Danette, it’s true, I really had no knowledge of how food was made and had to learn everything myself. I know you could learn how to cook, it’s really not that hard. Thank you also for your support, it’s been a hard time and I’m going my best, thank you for that!
Sounds yummy AliceinParis!
Ketzirah, thank you for your supportive and comforting words. I appreciate that and hope I find those things during my solitary time here too.
You are so inspiring and so very, very cool!
🙂
My mom was a good cook – but I didn’t pay a lot of attention! I helped make cookies & stuff – but really learned to cook with my biologist X who would get ‘dog bones’ (close to free from the butcher – usually beef for dogs to EAT 🙂 & make soup, & required I learn to eat lots of wild foods – nettles, mushrooms (only ones he or his biologist mom ID-ed!) etc.
One of my favorite ‘sacred’ recipes is in an old Sage Woman mag – for chicken soup! With each ingredient, the author/cook connects with an element – the earth of the chicken & veggies, the water in the stock, the fire beneath the pot, & stir, stir, stiring in a sacred manner – every day, ‘common’ cooking re-membered as sacred!!
I’ve thought of that often, reading your words. Bright blessings & hugs!
Hey! GORGEOUS photo of you btw! You should use it for the back of your book jacket!!!!!!!!
I hope some day soon you can find and be Sacred Suzie again. I know she has to be in there, waiting to come out! Your blog was one of the first that I came across when I was new to blogging, and it inspired me.
I’m honored that you’re sharing this new connection with us. It’s a journey through food.
I have to lovingly disagree with you today. You are Sacred Suzie the Foodie and Domestic Diva and more. All your selves are there inside you, waiting their time to shine. Your spirit went nowhere my sweetone, she is there but for some reason (perhaps physical fatigue) you can’t see her right now. But I can, and she is radiant as ever, always part of you, and evident in everything you do and that you are.
I think I speak for all of us when I say, we love you no matter what incarnation you are currently in. You are you, and precious.
(PS I included you in my wishcasting today, may your cookbook come into the world along with my slowing incubating book.)
Not to worry Suzie, spring is nearly here in Nova Scotia. Hopefully your spirit can come out and play with the return of the sun.
Lani (in Prospect which is also part of the HRM)
You are all sweethearts, thank you for being so supportive and encouraging. I hope I can find the sacred part of me inside, like Kavindra says, maybe she really is in there. I hope I can write that Domestic Diva Cookbook for sure!
It’s nice to see the sun, hope it warms up soon so we can feel it as well. I’m holding on. Nice to meet someone from Prospect!
Not only are you turning your life into chicken salad, it is a splendidly healthy and yummy one. The ingredients of your salad are substantial: courage, creativity, love, spunk, and ingenuity.
Suzie’s salad is indeed sacred 🙂
OMG, I remember Cousins. I saw it in the movies when I was in college. It is a sweet film.
I’m sure you have seen Like Water for Chocolate or Chocolat. You are still creating magic in your cooking. Sacred Suzie still lives.
fantastic post Suzie, wasn’t going to visit but something prompted me… and here is a post that could be mine… how very alike we are..my spirit is hanging out with yours at the lagoon… cause it definately isn’t here at Inglewood… I feel lost same as you – lets hold hands til we find our way (ps – sensitives is what we are called and many of us are struggling the same right now…I wonder why?)
But Suzie….
Food is sacred too. I still think of you as Sacred Suzie.You make magic and are an alchemist in the kitchen. Even though you are disconnected from nature there, Mother earth is still at your doorstep.
Healthy & yummy, yup, I like that Genie Sea.
Shell, I am so thrilled someone else has seen Cousins! I LOVE that movie, LOL, and it’s so not-known. Yes, I have seen both those movies and totally love both of them.
Thanks Robyn, I’m glad you came, I know, it’s hard to live with our spirits so far away. We will help each other re-connect, I know it. It’s so hard being sensitive.
It’s true Gemma, food is definitely sacred. I like making magic in my kitchen for sure!