This photo was taken the last time we went out for food together. After her last Cat Scan when I still believed maybe everything was going to be OK.
It is time to reveal why my blog has been so different for the last 3 months. I came back to Toronto when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. At the time we did not know how bad it was but as soon as the terrain thawed I flew out to spend time with my mom and help her in any way I could. We soon found out her cancer was terminal and we as a family did everything in our power to take care of her. She insisted on no boohoos or weepies but it has still been the most tragic of times.
Technically speaking, when Mom fell in love with Bernaise sauce in Europe, I did too. I travelled with her to fancy restaurants with my dad in utero. I always wondered if that was where my gourmet standards came from. Mom told me before she died that she thought my journey into food was very exciting. Over the last few years we had at last two calls a week about food, recipes and sharing kitchen stories. At Christmas she gave me my gastronomy kit and she spoiled me with mega cookbooks for my birthday. Even though I have been ripped apart at this loss there are no cruel enough words for, I will continue my journey into food. For me and for my mom.
For those who would like to learn more about my mom, my brother Jason wrote this beautiful obituary for her. She was an intellectual, editor, publisher, graphic designer, photographer and artist who was full of love and hope at all times. She survived World War 2 as a child but lost her life to cancer as an adult. Every time I take a photo in my kitchen, I know she will be there checking the angles and wanting to lick the bowl.
Mom, I wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have done more. All I have to give now is my foodie best. Which I will do with all my heart. Blessed be my favourite foodie. My heart is so empty without you.
Samantha Nottingham says
I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I know it is hard. I also lost my mom to cancer. It eventually gets a bit easier, but you will always miss your mom. Take care.
Angie Barrett says
Thinking of you sweetheart!! Hugs!
Debra She Who Seeks says
Oh, such sad, sad news, Suzie. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Your Mom was a wonderful and creative woman. Wishing you heart’s ease as you grieve this terrible loss. I know she will be with you always.
Heather N says
I’m sorry Suzie. Hugs
I’m so sorry, Suzie.
C&P Assessoria says
I am really sorry for your loss! I´ll be praying for GOD give you the straigh to continue your jorney with peace and hapiness in your heart!
So very sorry for your loss Suzie. I too lost my mum a year ago last week (indirectly as a result of cancer).
It sounds very much as though your mom would want you to continue your adventures in food! She’ll be there lending you a hand. 🙂
You and your sisters and family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very sorry for your loss.
suburban prep says
Thoughts and prayers.
Sylvia Ragis says
So sorry to hear of your loss, Suzie. Your loving post and your brother’s eloquent obituary speak to how remarkable a woman your mother was and how well-loved. Vieglas smiltis.
My sympathies Susie. Your
Mom sounds like a wonderful woman. She will always be in your heart.
I only had the honour of meeting your mom once or twice but it was exactly that – an honour. Any woman that can be so strong and wise to raise three such amazing, creative, fabulous women (and your brother of course) as well as live her own phenomenal life is just incredible. She will always be with you, inspiring you, in everything you do, forever.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this heartbreak but you know as well as I, this hurt will slowly heal. You will always miss her but at least you have such wonderful sisters (and again, your brother of course), to help keep her light alive and share all her wisdom and memories for the many years to come.
I will always be here for you, my dear and true friend. You have always been a sister to me and I hope that you know that if I can do anything for you, I will.
Sorry to hear that you lost your mom. I too lost my mom 4 years ago to lung cancer. It hurts and I cry every day. I know how you feel. Its the hardest thing in the world to loose your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep remembering the good times. It sounds like she was so proud of you. Hugs.
Suzie, I am sending you so much love. I know how hard losses are (not my mother, but recently my sister and my niece have both passed). Grief is a difficult journey. Your mom will be so happy that you continue your foodie journey in her honor. I have learned a lot by reading your posts about things you’ve learned because of your mom, your heritage, and your dining adventures too. Sending big hugs to you from Oregon. Take care of yourself and be extra gentle.
Thinking of you.
Sandy aka Doris the Great says
I’m so sorry for your loss. God bless and keep your family as you deal with this.
Lucy Ladham-Dyment says
So very sorry to hear about your Mom. May you remember the good things as you have done in this blog.
Audrey Boan-Franks says
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. The obituary was beautiful she was a amazing woman. I hope your memories of her can help fill your heart and mind and every dish you create help your soul.
Lana Duke says
Sorrow is a fruit. God does not make it grow on limbs too weak to bear it.
I am so sorry Suzie.
I read your post last night and thought about you all night long. I’m sorry for your loss, Suzie.
Kim Campbell says
I am so very sorry Suzie. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
The Phoenix says
My condolences to you. Losing a loved one is always hard, but we may take comfort in knowing that we do what they loved. Strength to you and your family.
Talking Trash & Wasting Time says
aww honey your words about your Mum has made me cry, I can relate a lot with what you said about my Nan. *bug hugs* I can tell your Mum was an extraordinary woman just from your beautiful words ox
What a beautiful tribute to your Mom. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure she’ll be smiling down on you as you create new masterpieces and continue your journey. ((hugs))
Amy Bronee says
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and heartache, Suzie. What a sweet photo of the two of you together. Take care.
Robin O says
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robin O says
Wishing sweet memories and healing as you remember you dear mother. So sorry to hear of her passing Suzie. It is indeed a cruel blow and I admire your positive outlook. Cheers to you and your foodie adventures.
Oh dear dear Suzie, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. Sending you lots of love. <3
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother. Mothers are our very best friends and it is such a sad time, but I hope the wonderful memories you have of her will sustain you at this difficult time. Pls know you are in my prayers.
Earlier today, you popped into my head. I said to myself how is Suzie doing.
I’m so sorry about your mom passing. My heart goes out to you and your family, my friend.
As you continue your food adventures, know your mom is going to be right next to you in spirit. Happy knowing you are living your dream.
Sending you much love
So sorry for your loss, Suzie. I feel your pain, as I lost my mom to cancer too. I hope that this time of sadness passes quickly for you. You will always go to the telephone to call her to tell her your news–then remember that she is not there anymore. But your heart will pick up again. She would want it that way. Chin up and bake cookies!
I was just stunned when I read your post. I am so sorry. You’ve done many posts including your mom in them, she looked so full of life. Cancer is such a terrible thing. I know your heart must be broken. What a wonderful daughter you are, going to be with her and caring for her. Big hugs to you Suzie,