House Foods claim their Tofu Shirataki Noodles are “The world’s BEST gluten-free pasta!” If that is the case, I am never having gluten-free pasta again. The company graciously sent me coupons and I picked up various packages of noodles from Whole Foods and tried to keep an open mind.
“Tofu Shirataki noodles are made with tofu and Japanese yam powder – Konnyaku – making for a low-calorie and healthy alternative to wheat pastas. This noodle has the added benefits of soy to create a great texture and added protein. Great in soups, casseroles, stir-fry, and with virtually any type of sauce, this guilt-free noodle is gluten-free and kosher-certified.” ~ Promo Material
The Product Testing
As soon as I opened the package my kitchen was filled with a crazy-strong funky fish smell. Note on the package it says to rinse the noodles to reduce the “authentic aroma”.
Hell ya! Rinse!!!! Egads. After that I knew only I would be testing these noodles. Reg would have freaked out over the smell.
I cooked them for 3 minutes in boiling water as instructed and rinsed again, just to be safe.
I was making an Italian dish with these noodles since the promo info said you could use them as you would any other noodle. I added a TON of real Parmesan , hoping that it would flavour the noodles.
It did not. The noodles were absolutely flavourless. Perhaps I should not have rinsed them a second time? Still, these noodles did not feel “right” to me at all and added nothing to my meal at all.
Warning: TMI Ahead
The worst part about the whole experience is the impact it had on my digestive tract. The noodles did not break down and scared the hell out of me. The idea of long trails of noodles getting stuck in my body… Freaked me out! Food should break down. This did not and felt completely unnatural to me.
If you are absolutely gluten-intolerant and can not live without pasta, perhaps these might work for you but me? No way in hell. Ugh. Give me real food or give me nothing. These noodles are made of water, soybeans, yam flour, calcium hydroxide, glucono delta lactone and calcium sulfate. Screw that. Flour and eggs, thank you very much.
For me, this is a zero out of five wooden spoons experience. The only good thing about it is I know now I want REAL pasta or else I’d rather starve.
Shudder… I am still trying to get over that nightmarish foodie experience! I threw the other ones in the compost but before that happened one of the packages leaked and soaked my new camera on my kitchen counter. GRRR…