I know, weird right? Why do I have a photograph of a hollyhock lying flat on its face when this is a food blog? Well I am big into metaphors and just think of this flower as me.
For those readers who do not know my story, I have fibromyalgia and a ton of other health issues. I lived in British Columbia for eight years and my health did not magically improve the way I was hoping for. I made a lapse in judgment and decided to move to Nova Scotia where the weather has knocked me down a little more each day.
To fight depression from my chronic pain being magnified by a million, I found freedom in my kitchen. It is the one place I can spend a little time without getting too hurt. I have even experienced moments of joy from sticking my fingers in dough when the pain allows it or turning on my breadmaker when the pain doesn’t.
Six weeks ago my husband had to go away because of his job. Summer is usually a safe time for me to be alone. Soon after he left I woke up to find my right shoulder was torn. Yes, I can tear like tissue paper. It takes me forever to heal and I am still waiting to be able to really use my right arm again. I can bend my elbow but for a month now, really using my right arm has been next to impossible.
There is a reason why this photograph is out of focus. I love my Canon Rebel dearly. The pretty final photographs you find on my blog are taken by this camera in my living room, snuggled right up to my front window to get as much natural light as possible. In less ideal conditions, this is what you get.
I took this photograph of my Cyber-shot with my Canon Rebel with the ISO all the way to 1600, it does not matter. My kitchen is too dark. I have used this Cyber-shot camera to take my action shots in the kitchen as I cook and bake every day for my blog but today it is almost dead. It is giving error messages, not turning on, when it turns on the lens doesn’t open… It is done like dinner.
This camera is like an appendage and it is also broken. Frustrated beyond belief, I have been considering throwing in the blogging towel. Winter is around the corner and I already live in terror of what physical damage it is going to do to me this year when I am already hurt and vulnerable.
So, do I give up? Do I buy another camera and hope that it can handle my kitchen of darkness? I have ordered this Fujifilm Finepix camera and immediately went to cancel it after placing the order but it was too late, it is on its way to the store. If I keep it, I will have 15 days to try it out and see if it is up to snuff. It is a big unplanned expense but after the success I had yesterday, it is hard for me to give up. I am a spiritual person and I listen to the signs from the Universe and I feel she is saying, Suzie, don’t give up!
Well, I am a fighter. I have fought off many obstacles and survived a lot since I moved here. If the Universe wants me to fight, I am going to give it a shot. I’ll do my best even with just one arm swinging.