A little while ago I put the above graphic out in my social media and in a newsletter. I needed to know, is food blogging still relevant? Do people still care about what is happening in my foodie life, considering there is a bloody pandemic and my life has been completely unstable for the last three years? Have I outlived my online foodie blogging life? Is it just enough that I am alive after 9 months of the Covid outbreak and should I just be grateful?
The results were very interesting. So many of you have been with me from the beginning and said go for it! I adore each and every one of you. Others said, just do what makes you happy. Many admitted that they really do not read blogs anymore. Those on Instagram said stay with Instagram. Facebook people said they do not really leave Facebook… In other words, it is up to me.
Leaving Toronto
I moved to an apartment in the west end of Toronto just off Bloor Street three days after a global pandemic was announced. A few days later a state of emergency was declared in Canada and Toronto was on lock down. I had no food or supplies. I did not even have dishes.
I did my best but this area of the city is crammed with people. The high density population was unlike anything I had experienced anywhere else I had lived. Even in Vancouver I lived in South Van where if you avoided Victoria you could be on your own.
The only place I felt safe was walking down alleys and around a school track when the school was closed. Round and round a circle doing Sanskrit mantras hoping I would be able to stay alive, that was the only place I felt safe. And that was a loose term. Safe. Unless you have your own apartment or home, how can you really be safe? If you live in an apartment building with other people and air being pumped in from above you, there is no such thing as safe.
One day I was walking along a side street. I sometimes did venture out to try and walk down to a pathway along the Go Train but there were always so many people. I had totally tuned out and become numb to being terrified. I was getting ready to take a photo with my phone past an area that had been under construction. I did not realize the construction had ended. Yes, those are train tracks.
All of a sudden the level crossing signal started going off and the gate hit me in the head. I turned around and took the following shots.
A woman saw what had happened and was staring at me in amazement. Did I realize just how closely I had come.
To being hit by a train.
Yes. And. I didn’t care.
I did not feel anything. I knew adrenaline should have been rushing through me with a huge sense of relief that I did not get squashed by a Go Train. Instead, I felt nothing.
It Was Time To Move. Again.
That was a wakeup call for me. I knew everything was just wrong but I did not know how deeply wrong it was for me. A friend of mine helped me find a room in a house in Kitchener and I moved mid-November.
To say I was beyond physically exhausted is such an understatement. My health at this point was in critical danger just from moving too many times, putting my health in jeopardy even without the virus. It had been eight months since I had seen my family and was pretty much alone. Why be in a city that felt like it was crushing me and putting me in jeopardy? The sign finally came to get the hell out. And, I did. Fuck. So bloody tired.
My Kitchener Kitchen
I am just now starting to share a mini kitchenette downstairs, masked. I have my own mini fridge. There is no stove or oven. I have a microwave and a toaster oven. And of course all the cooking appliances I already owned. You can see why I was wondering, what is the point of doing my food blog? I have no natural light and we are in a provincial lockdown so getting out for food is not exactly easy.
Christmas present from my new landlady
I choose to believe there is hope. Not just for my food blog but for me and all of us. I am away from my family and an in a new city I have only been to a couple of times. I have one friend who is getting the hell out of here as soon as those borders open so once again, I am starting over again. Soon to be absolutely on my own.
I took this photo from sitting on the floor crying, hoping I could bring water to a rolling boil on the sauté function of my Instant Pot. I think the cumulative stress and physical exhaustion just got to me. I am so glad I bought those patio lights to bring a nice warm glow to my foodie space. It fucks up my white balance brutally but I do not care. I will take what I can to bring comfort and peace to my life.
My first walk in Kitchener and there was nobody around!
When I first looked at the apartment we had moved from green zone to yellow. When I first moved in we had already moved to red. Now, everyone is in lockdown and honestly, I do not think anyone is following the rules.
This story is my story. I will keep writing it even if it means talking to myself.
I wish I could say I felt safe. I wish I could say that if a train came by I would be overwhelmed with a sense of relief that it did not squash me like a bug. I am not there yet. Nowhere close but without the crushing crowds of people maybe I will get out of this alive. I wear my mask, I use hand sanitizer and get the hell out of places as soon as I can. At least now I have some sense of hope that I am in less danger than I was before and I can get outside for a walk and breathe. Maybe even pick up a decaf coffee and explore my new city with my camera.
I did not go through everything I went through to give up now. I am a fighter and have done everything in my power to put my safety first. What happens next? The universe decides. What I can guarantee is I am going to be truthful and vulnerable and real here. I am not going to put a pretty face on this ugly nightmare we are ALL going through. As always, I will tell the truth and my personal story.
May we all get through this alive.
Hi Suzie! I’m glad you’re going to continue blogging and I’m glad you’re in the smaller city of Kitchener now. This pandemc is a real bitch but social distancing, face masks and hand sanitizer are our friends. I’m hopeful that we’ll all be vaccinated by September at the latest (fingers crossed!) and that some normalcy will resume in our lives. You’re right that you’re a fighter and I know your indomitable spirit will get you through! I will always be interested in you and your blog no matter what you write about, my friend. Good luck and best wishes!
Debra!!!! Oh how I have missed you!!! Yes, fingers crossed indeed. Thank you so much. (Tears flowing here.) It is wonderful to hear that I am still relevant my friend. I hope you have been OK!!!
Miss Suzie welcome back, missed you. I love to hear or should say what you share. 2020 sure been odd year and hopeful 2021 is brighter.
Coffee is on and stay safe
Hey Dora!!! Thank you so much and I hope 2021 is brighter for you too!
hi suzie, i’m so glad to see you back here and hope that you will stay. but i think you should do whatever you feel most drawn to do. this pandemic has been so horrible for so many and i wish you much happier times. i’m so so glad that you did not get hit by that train! oh my gosh. i’ll be here reading whatever you post, whenever you post, although i don’t always comment. 🙂
love, kisses & magical wishes…
~*~
Hi Laura!!! Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, me too, that train was a real wakeup call for me. I promise, I will follow the energy. My site may be very different this year than it used to be but, well, that’s life in a post pandemic world. Thank you so much for visiting and supporting me!
You’ve been through some brutal experiences, but I do believe in your inner strength and resiliency at dealing with all this to survive whatever is thrown at you. I thought couldn’t be prouder and I couldn’t admire you more than I do but here we are. Keep kicking ass, my dear friend. <3
Hi Suzie- it’s ne Jane. You are so brave to share your story. You are not alone. We are with you as you start a new journey!!😊❤️
Oh Suzie!!! Big, gentle hugs to you!!!!
I think we all have our “war stories” with this virus.
I am so very happy that you are safe and alive.
That train story sounds so scary!
Glad to see you blogging again. Can’t wait to see
what you make in your kitchenette.
Maybe look for some day light bulbs if you don’t have any.
They really do help. We’ve been switching over all our
lights from soft whites.
I’m always here for you to talk to. <3
Great work, nicely written. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you Damian! Welcome to my foodie story.
Hey Lady! I didn’t realize that Kitchener is the name of the town/city that you moved to – seems almost prophetic for a foodie lady to move to a place called Kitchener. Bright Blessings on you and your new future. Your kitchen nook looks homey with the assorted cups hanging ready for use. I remember making do with a toaster oven and a hotplate for a year and also one of those small “college dorm” microwaves – it wasn’t easy but it’s amazing what you can accomplish when needs must.
Isn’t it wild? I guess it was just meant to be. Thank you my friend and Brightest Blessings to you too! It is amazing what we can do with a minimal kitchen, trying my best to make the most out of the situation. Thank you for inspiring me!
no kitchen in Kitchener? You have to admit this is ironic. ((((hugs)))))
Well it is a kitchenette but yes, the irony is NOT lost on me at all!
I’m so proud of you susie! How the hell did I not know you almost got squashed like a bug? The fact that you just didn’t care tells the story. I could not even imagine living in Montreal during this pandemic. I would not feel safe. I’m so glad that we moved to rural New Brunswick! I feel safe here, I can go for a walk. Everyone wears their masks. What a difference. You made a great change in your life! The gift from your landlady is awesome! xxx
Thank you my friend!!! Oh I didn’t tell anyone about the train. I just got my ass in gear and found another place to live. It was such a close call and that sign from the Universe was pretty damn clear. It’s like the horror movies with ghosts that say, “Get out!!!” I so wanted to make it work but if I couldn’t see my family and where I lived wasn’t safe… I am so glad that you are in a safe place where you can be outside and that people are wearing masks!!! Isn’t that gift the best? She rocks. Oh and don’t worry at all, damn spellcheck and cell phones. Happens to me too all the time. Thank you so much for commenting!!!
Sorry I spelled your name wrong LOL and no capitals either! That’s what happens when I use the keyboard on my phone lol!
SUZIE!!😁
I am glad you are back in a place you more comfortable in. I know I still blog too, though I know it’s not in fashion as it use to be, I still love it. Have to do what we love. Stay safe and keep finding things that make you happy.
Hey Shell!!! I am so glad you are still blogging my beautiful friend! Yes, we do. You stay safe too!!!
Suzie, It is so great to hear from you! Hurray, you are back and “living the dream.” Stay strong and as my sister says, “Tits to the Wind!” You are strong, you are resilient, you can do anything, you are a survivor, you will succeed in everything you want.
I wish you all the best in the new year–health and happiness most of all!
Fifi
Hey Fifi!!! OMG, that’s an awesome saying, I have to remember that one. Thank you for your support and I will keep venturing out. I wish you good health and happiness too!!!
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